Santa: Itne kam marks? Do thappad marne chahiye.

Pappu: Haan papa, chalo maine us saale master ka ghar bhi dekh rakha hai.

Banta: Oye, tu to Doctor ke paas jaane waala tha, kya hua?

Santa: Yaar kal jaaonga, aaj thodi tabiyat kharab hai.

Banta: Yeh AUTOMATICALLY kya hota hai?

Santa: Oye tujhe yeh bhi nahin pata, Jab auto mein koi ganji ladki ja rahi ho to use kehte hain AUTO-ME-TAKLI

Santa: Agar tumhe kuch ho gaya to mein Pagal ho jaaunga.

Jeeto: Doosri shaadi to nahin karogey?

Santa: Pagal ka kya hai, kuch bhi kar sakta hai

Napoleon: There is no such word as ‘Impossible’ in my dictionary.

Santa: To dictionary dekh kar kharidni thi …!

Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?

Santa: Tipu’s skeleton.

Tourist: Whose that smaller skeleton next to it?

Santa: That was Tipu’s skeleton when he was child

Sadhu: Bachcha teri biwi ko chuddail chipak gayee hai. Upaaye karvaao.

Banta: Upayaye? Baba, agar do behenein gale mil rahi hain to is mein harz hi kya hai ?

Banta: Yaar teri wife ki maut ka bara afsos hua, vaise hua kya tha?

Sant: Goli lagi thi mathe main.

Banta: Waheguru ji ka shukar kar ke aankh bach gayi.

Captain of Military: Naujawanon aage bado

Santa aage nahin bada

Captain: Tum aage kyun nahin bade?

Santa: Apne kaha 9 jawanon aage bado, mein 10ve number pe tha

Santa was getting bitten by mosquitoes the whole night. He got

irritated… drank poison & said,

Ab kaato saalon, sab maroge!

Museum Administrator: That’s a 500-year-old statue u’ve broken.

Banta: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.

Banta: Yeh chaaku kyon ubaal rahe ho?

Santa: Suicide karne ke liye

Banta: To phir ubalne kui kya zaroorat hai?

Santa: Kahin infection na ho jaaye

Santa: Raat film main ek chudail kabhi mere aage, khabhi mere peechhe ghoom rahi thi…

Jeeto: Koun si film thi ?

Santa: Apni shaadi ki movie thi !

Santa: Doc saab, mein Chashma laga ke pad to sakoonga?

Doc: Haan, bilkul.

Santa: To phir theek hai doc saab varna Anpad aadmi ki zindagi bhi koi zindagi hai.
Santa was busy in removing a wheel from auto, Banta asks: Y r u removing a

wheel from ur auto?

 Hindi SMS

Aapki dosti ko ehsaan maangte hai,
Nibhana apna imaan maangte hai,
Lekin ham wo nahi jo dosti me apni jaan de denge,
Kyonki dosto ko to ham apni jaan maante hai.
~`~
Chaand adhoora hai sitaaro ke bina,
Gulshan adhooraa hai bahaaro ke bina,
Samundar adhoora hai kinaaro ke bina,
Jeenaa adhoora hai tum jaise yaaro ke bina.
~`~
Chaahta hu tujhe pyaar du,
Dost pe apni jindagee waar du,
Jab tera message nahi milata to,
Man karta hai teri jaan nikaal du.
~`~
Phool nahi ham kaanto me baste hai,
Khushi nahi ham gam me haste hai,
Shaayri karna aasaan nahi dard dil me hota hai
Tab shaayar bante hai.
~`~
Chaand ko akele me sharm aati hogi,
Baat kuch tumhaare bhi samajh me aati hogi,
Jab bhi jikra hota hai smart dosto ka,
Tumhe meri yaad bahut aati hogi.
~`~
Jaate jaate wo koi achi nishaani de gaye,
Umar bhar dohra saku aisi kahaani de gaye,
Ham to reh gaye pyaase,
Paye hamaari palko ko wo paani de gaye..
~`~
Chune se koi cheez apni nahi hoti,
Har muskuraahat khushi nahi hoti,
Kehna to chaahte hai bahut kuch magar,
Kabhi alfaaz to kabhi jubaan saath nahi hoti.
~`~
Kaun kehata hai mohabbat ki jubaan hoti hai,
Labo ke bina khule hi hakeekat bayaan hoti hai,
Ishq wo khudaai hai dost jo lafjo se nahi
Aankho se bayaan hoti hai.
~`~
Har khafa har berookhi ko tumhaari mohabbat samajhate hai,
Har naarajgi har doori ko tumhaari chaahat samajhate hai,
O sanam ham to sirf tum se hi pyaar karate hai.
~`~
Karte hai tujhe pyaar karte hi rehenge,
Bewafa duniya se ham ladate hi rahenge,
Ae bhool jaao tujhko ye mere bas me nahi,
Chaha hai tujhe ham chaahte hi rahenge…
~`~
Chehre par banaawat ka gussa,
Aankho se chalakta pyaar bhi hai…
Is ishq-e-ada ko kya kahiye inkaar bhi hai…
ikaraar bhi hai.
~`~
Aankho ki saja tab tak jab tak deedaar na ho,
Dil ki saja tab tak jab tak pyaar na ho,
Ye jindagi bhi ek saja hai,
Jab tak aap jaisa yaar na ho.
~`~
Apna khushi se nahi gam se bhi rishta hai mera,
Ye to aapki jindagee he wo ek hissa hai mera,
Ae dost aapse lafjo ka nahi rooh ka rishta he mera.
~`~
Kisi ne hame aashiq kaha,
Kisi ne hame deewaana kaha,
In aankho me aansu tab aaye,
Jab unhone hame begana kaha.
~`~
Aap jaise dost kuch khaas lagate hai,
Man main har waqt ek aas rakhte hai,
Jaane kab aa jaaye SMS aapka,
Isaliye cell ko dil ke paas rakhte hai.
~`~
Mohabbat me marna kaam na aaya,
Dil or jaan bhi di phir bhi aaraam na aaya,
Har shakhs tha mere saath par
Ek uska hi paigaam na aaya.
~`~
Yaado ke haseen pal mitaaye nahi jaate,
Gujare huye lamhe bhoolaye nahi jaate,
Tum laakh karo mohabbat ki naseehat,
Jo jaan se pyaare ho bhoolaye nahi jaate.
~`~
Apni bebasi par aaj rona aaya,
Doosro ko kya maine apno ko aajmaya,
Har dost ki tanhaai door ki,
Lekin khud ko har mod par akela paya.
~`~
Toone mujhse kyon daga ki,
Mere pyaar ki tune mujhe ye kaisi saja di ki
Har din gujarta hai mera tanahaaiyo me,
Maine to chaaha tha tujhako dil ki gehraaiyo se.
~`~
Unko pyaar karne ka hisaab na aaya,
Meri kisi bhi baat ka jawaab na aaya,
Ham to jaagte rahe unke hi khyaalo me,
Aur unko so kar bhi hamara khwaab na aaya.
~`~
Wo aate to hai par samay se nahi,
Wo chalte to hai par man se nahi,
Kaun kehta hai ki wo pyaar nahi karte,
Karte to hai par ham se nahi.
~`~
Aasmaan se utaari hai, taaro se sajaai hai,
Chaand ki chaandni se nahaai hai,
Mere dost! sambhaal ke rakhna ye dost
Ye meri jindagee bhar ki kamaai hai.
~`~
Ae mere SMS mere dost ke paas jana,
Agar wo so raha ho to shor mat machana,
Jab wo jaage to dheere se muskurana,
Phir dil ka haal batana- miss you.
~`~
Aaj phir dil hai kuch udaas udaas,
Jaane kyon ek maayusi si chaayi hai,
Aaj phir palko pe paani hai,
Bheed me hu phir kyon ye tanhaai hai.
~`~
Mehafil main jab dekha achanak unko,
Unse gujar kar aati hawa sharaab hone lagi,
Unhone aake haal pooch liya mera,
Jaane kyon meri haalat kharaab hone lagi.
~`~
Intajaar uska jiske aane ki koi aas ho,
Khooshbu bhi us phool ki jo mere paas ho…
Manjil na mil saki hame to koi gam nahi…
Gam bhi usi shakhs ka hota jise pyaar ka ehasaas ho.
~`~
Tujhe dekhna chaahti hu har pal
Shaayad tujhse bahut pyaar karti hu
Kal tak to tujhe jaanti bhi na thi
Aaj tera intajaar karti hu…
~`~
Pyaar ke ujaale me gam ka andhera aata kyon hai,
Jisko ham chaahe wahi roolata kyon hai,
Agar wo mera naseeb nahi,
To khuda aise logo se milata kyon hai?
~`~
Sehmi-sehmi nigaaho me khwaab ham jaga denge,
Sooni-sooni raaho pe phool ham khila denge,
Aap hamaare sang muskurakar to dekho,
Aapka har gam ham bhoola denge.
~`~
Tanhaai hai pyaar me, barbadi hai pyaar me,
Aansu hai pyaar me, bebasi hai pyaar me,
Hame sab pata hai lekin kya kare,
Ham bhi hai pyaar me.
~`~
Teri yaad me bahut paigaam likhate hai,
Teri yaad me gujaari wo shaam likhate hai,
Wo kalam bhi teri deewaani ho jaati hai,
Jis se tera naam likhate hai.
~`~
Is “dil” me dekho tasweer tumhaari hai,
In “aankho” me dekho tasweer tumhaari hai,
Jee rahe hai ab tak apni marjee se,
Lekin ye maut “amaanat” tumhaari hai.
~`~
Man me sabka aramaan nahi hota,
Har koi dil ka mehmaan nahi hota,
Par jo ek baar dil me sama jaaye
Use bhoolana aasaan nahi hota.
~`~
Jindagee tere bagair adhoori si lagti hai…
jindagee jeene ke liye teri jaroorat si lagti hai,
Aa jaa phir se laut kar meri jindagee me tu,
Meri aankhen aaj bhi pyaar ko wo din dhoonda karti hai.
~`~
Jaati nahi hai aankhon se soorat teri,
Jaati nahi hai dil se mohabaat teri,
Mehasoos ye hota hai jeene ke liye,
Pehale se jyada hai ab jaroorat teri.
~`~
Kitna haasil hai sanam tera ye muskura dena,
Najare milakar phir najare jhuka dena,
Kaise kahu ki kitana aasaan hai tere liye,
Qayamat ki bijaliya gira dena.
~`~
Koi itna chaahe tumhe to batana,
Koi itana palko pe bithaaye to batana,
Pyaar kar to lega har koi,
Par koi meri tarah nibhaaye to batana.
~`~
Kaash banaane waale ne hame aansu banaya hota,
Aur “usaki” aankh me basaya hota,
Jab girate unaki aankh se unki god me,
To hame marne ka maza aaya hota…
~`~
Kabhi jindagee ke pano ko ulta kar dekhiyega,
Aapko ek shakhs se, na dil se hota hai,
Ye pyaar to ittefaak se hota hai,
Or kya kahe pyaar karke bhi pyaar na mile,
Ye ittefaak sirf hamaare hi saath hota hai…?
~`~
Toofaan me logo ko kinaare bhi milate hai,
Jahaan me logo ko sahaare bhi milate hai,
Duniya me sabse pyaari hai jindagee
Kuch log jindagee se pyaare bhi milate hai.
~`~
Dekh meri aankho me khwaab kiske hai,
Dil me mere sulakhate toofan kiske hai,
Nahi gujra koi aaj tak is raaste se
Ho kar phir ye kadmo ke nishaan kiske hai.
~`~
Jab ho aapka pyara sa saath aur
Ho haatho me haath, tanhaai ho…rangeen,
Ho sama jaha koi aur nahi sirf aap aur ham ho waha,
Tab hogi barsaat pyaar ki, mere aur sirf mere pyaar ki.
~`~
Shaam utari jindagee gaane lagi,
Maut ko phir neend aane lagi,
Phir kisi ki yaad ka deepak jala aur
Andheri raat muskuraane lagi.
~`~
Dost jindagee ke kisi mod par mulaakaat hui,
To najar na chura lena,
Aapko kahi dekha hai bas
Ye keh kar bhoola lena.
~`~
Jis duniya me baste ho tum,
Usi duniya me baste hai ham,
Magar khuda ki kudrat dekho,
Tumhi se milane ko taraste hai ham.
~`~
Agar talaash karoge to koi mil hi jaayega,
Magar kaun hamaari tarah tumahe chaahe ga,
Tumhe jaroor koi chaahto se dekhega,
Magar wo aankhen hamaari kahan se laaye ga.
~`~
Kisi ko mohabbat ki achaayi ne maar dala,
Kisi ko mohabbat ki gehraahi ne maar dala,
Bach na saka is mohabbat se koi,
Jo bach gaya use tanhaai ne maar dala.
~`~
Kisi bhi mod par ham aapko khone nahi denge,
Juda hona bhi chaahe, chaandni raato me,
Aayegi hamaari yaad, hamaari yaad ke wo pal,
Aapko sone nahi denge.
~`~
Khushi aap ke liye-gam mere liye,
Jindagee aapake liye-maut mere liye,
Muskurana aap ke liye-aansu mere liye,
Sab kuch aapke liye or aap mere liye.
~`~
Tanhaaiyo me jikra tera hi aaya hai,
Tu nahi jaanti tujhme main kya paya hai,
Phoolo sa sundar rishta hai aur ek aapka waqt hai jisme,
Hame yaad karne wala pal hi nahi aata?

 

Santa- “Kal aapne apne bache ko bahut pita|
Aakhir aisi kya baat ho gayi thi usse?”
Banta- “Darhasal do din baad us badmaash ka
result nikalne waala hai aur mai aaj hi ek
mahine ke tour par jaa raha hu|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Santa- “Meri patni mera itna khyaal rakhti
hai ki kal mehmaano ke vidaa hone ke baad jab
maine usse kaha ki garam paani ka jaldi praband
kare to usi wakt paani garam kar diya|”
Banta- “Waah! Lekin us samay bechaari ko paani
garam karne ka kasht kyu diya?”
Santa- “Kyuki mai thande paani se bartan
nahi dho sakta tha|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Hadbadi me kahi jaate dekhkar ek yuvti
ne apne Doctor pita se poocha- “Kya baat hai
papa? Aap itni jaldi me kaha jaa rahe hai?”
Doctor- “Abhi-abhi ek vyakti ka phone aaya tha,
keh raha tha ki haaye, mai mar jaaunga… turant aa jao|”
Navyuvti ne sharmakar kaha- “Papa…vah…vah
phone aapke liye nahi mere liye tha|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Putra- “Pitaji, mai nadi me aage jaaunga|”
Pita- “Nahi, doob jaaoge|”
Putra- “Nahi dooboonga, mujhe tairna aata hai|”
Pita- “Yadi doob gaya to ghar jaakar teri khoob pitai karunga|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Achaanak bijli chali gayi to mombattiya jala
di gayi| garmi tej thi| isi beech ek mehmaan
ne kaha- “Bhai, pankhe to chala do|”
Mejbaan ne mudkar badi gambheerta se kaha-
“Pankhe chalane se mombattiya bujh jayengi|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Ek lamba tagda bahut hi mota vyakti darji ki
dukaan par pahucha|
Darji ne badi kathinayi se naap lekar haafte hue kaha-
“Janaab, is shervani ki silaai ke sau rupaye honge|”
Mota vyakti- “Parantu tumne Telephone par pachas
rupaye bataye the|”
Darji ne pasine pochte hue kaha- “Ji haan bataye to the,
parantu shervani ke bataye the, shaamiyaane ke nahi|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Shikshak- “Maan lo, tum jungle me khade ho,
isi beech sher aa jaye to tum kya karoge?”
Chaatra- “Sir, mai kya karunga? Jo kuch karega,
sher hi karega|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Chaatra (ganit ke adhyaapak se)- “Sir, hindi waale
Teacher hindi me bolte hai aur angreji waale
angreji me, phir aap ganit me kyu nahi bolte?”
Adhyaapak- “Chup baith jao, jyaada teen paanch karoge
to claas se nau do gyaarah kar dunga|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Putra se naaraaj hote hue pita ne kaha- “Nalaayak!
prem-patra maine bhi khoob likhe the magar…|”
Putra- “Magar kya pitaji?”
Pita- “Teri tarah galat vyaakaran nahi
likha karta tha|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Putra- “Pitaji, mere liye dhol kharid dijiye|”
Pita- “Kharid sakta hu, par waada karo ki
tum mujhe pareshaan nahi karoge|”
Putra- “nahi pitaji, mai aapko bilkul pareshaan
nahi karunga| Aapke so jaane ke baad
hi use bajaunga|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Ladka- “Mai jo kaam karta hu, apne aapko
usme dubokar karta hu|”
Ladki- “To aap baraya meharbaani
jaakar ek kuaa khodiye|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Santa- “Doctor saahab! Suna hai aajkal
saap ke kaatne ka ilaaj ho jaata hai?”
Doctor- “Sabka ilaaj ho jaata hai|”
Santa- “Kuch to aisa jaroor hoga,
jiska ilaaj nahi hai?”
Doctor- “Haan! Aurat ke kaatne ka
koi ilaaj nahi hai|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Geeta- “Seeta, meri ghadi kho gayi,
kya tumne kahi dekha hai?”
Seeta- “Nahi, chalti thi ya band thi?”
Geeta-”Chalti thi|”
Seeta- “Tab jaroor kahi chalkar gayi hogi|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Beta- “Pitaji, koi aaya hai|”
Pita- “Kaun?”
Beta- “Koi mooch waala hai|”
Pita- “Keh do, nahi chahiye|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Premi- “He priye, is baar mai pariksha
me fail hona chaahta hu|”
Premika- “Kyu?”
Premi- “Yadi mai first aaya to pitaji ne mujhe
science dilvaane ko kaha hai, second aaya to commerce
dilvayenge, agar third aaya to arts dilvayenge aur
agar fail ho gaya to tumhaare saath shaadi kar denge|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Santa- “Doctor saahab, mujhe barabar yahi sapna
dikhta hai ki mere paas se hokar sundar-sundar
ladkiya teji se bhaag rahi hai|”
Doctor- “Usme mujhse kya chaahte ho?”
Santa- “Aap aisi dava deejiye ki ya to un ladkiyo
ki raftaar kuch kam ho jaye ya meri badh jaye|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Mahesh- “Mere bhai ka koi baal baanka
nahi kar sakta|”
Kamal- “Kya vah bahut bahaadur hai?”
Mahesh- “Nahi, vah ganja hai|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Judge- “Tum sweekar karte ho ki tumne apni patni
ko peeta hai|”
Abhiyukt- “Ji hujoor! Sweekar karta hu|”
Judge- “Thik hai, tum par pachaas rupaye pachaas paise
jurmaana kiya jaata hai|”
Abhiyukt- “Hujoor, pachaas rupaye to samajh me aaye,
lekin pachaas paise kis baat ke?”
Judge- “Vah manoranjan kar hai|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Pita- “Dekho beta, tum kabhi shaadi na karna,
yah baad me bahut badi musibat paida kar deti hai|”
Beta- “Haan pitaji, mai kabhi shaadi nahi
karunga aur yahi shiksha apne bete ko bhi dunga|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Chaandni raat ke romantic palo me premika ne kaha-
“Kaash! Agle janam me mai chaand banti!”
Premi- “Aur mai chandrama par utarne waala
pehla antriksh yaatri!”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Pita- “Bete, tumhaare dadaji ne shaadi ki aur pachtaye,
maine shaadi ki aur pachta raha hu, tum kya karoge?”
Beta- “Ji, vansh parampara nibhaunga| Shaadi karunga
aur phir pachtaunga|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Santa- “Suna hai, tumhari patni ko naukri mil gayi?”
Banta- “Haa|”
Santa- “Kaam kya karti hai?”
Banta- “Logo ko chadati-utaarti hai|”
Santa ne hairat se poocha- “Kya…?”
Banta ne baat ki safai ki- “Bus conductor ho gayi hai|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Bhikhari (apne bete se)- “Bete, yadi hamari saat
laakh ki lottery khul gayi to sabse pehle makaan
kharidunga, phir apne aur tum sabke liye naye-naye
kapde silvaunga| Iske alaava…|”
Beta (pita ki baat beech me kaat ta hua)- “Iske
alaava papa ek car kharid lena| Hum log usme
baithkar bhikh maangne chala karenge, kyunki mai
paidal chalte-chalte thak jaata hu|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Bar me ek aadmi ne ek kutte ke saath kadam rakha|
Bartender- “Yah gadha yaha kyu laye ho?”
Aadmi- “Andhe ho kya? Yah tumhe gadha dikhai de raha hai?”
Bartender- “Mai tumse baat nahi kar raha hu,
mai kutte se baat kar raha hu|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Chotu- “Tumhara kutta bahut sharaarti hai|
kya tum ise thik nahi kar sakte?”
Tinku- “Yaar! Dhairya rakho| Yaad nahi, tumhe
thik karne me mujhe kitne din lage the|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Doctor- “Tum kya tankhwa chaahti ho?”
Nurse- “Teen sau rupaye mahina|”
Doctor- “Teen sau rupaye mai anand ke saath de
sakta hu|”
Nurse- “Anand ke saath to mai chaar sau rupaye lungi|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Santa- “Tumhare dil ki taklif ka kya
haal hai?”
Banta- “Aji, aajkal vah maayke me hai|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Santa- “Achaa hua, mai Maharashtra me
paida na hua|”
Banta- “Wo kyu?”
Santa- “Kyuki mujhe to Marathi ka ek akshar
bhi nahi aata|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Workshop me Deviji dheele-dhaale kapde pehankar aayi
to operator ne kaha- “Deviji, ye dheele-dhaale kapde
pehankar na aaya kijiye, machine me fas jaane ka dar hai|”
Deviji- “Janaab, agar mai tight kapde pehankar
aaungi to doosre logo ka machine me fasne ka dar hai|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Ek Fauji officer ko kisi lambi duty par desh se
baahar bheja gaya| Jab pardesh me rehte huye bahut
din ho gaye to ek din use ek patra mila jisme likha
tha- “Chalte samay maine aapko jo photo di thi,
vah vaapas kar dijiye, mai bank manager se shaadi
karna chaahti hu|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Santa seedi par chade hue ghar ki chat pot rahe
the| Banta vaha aaya|
Banta- “Santa, tumne brush majbooti se
pakda hua hai na?”
Santa- “Haan! Kyu?”
Banta- “Mai thodi der ke liye seedi le jaa raha hu|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Putra- “Pitaji, kal maine teen makhiya maari
thi, jinme do maada thi aur ek nar|”
Pita- “Lekin beta, tumhe ye kaise pata chala ki
unme do maada thi aur ek nar?”
Putra- “Badi seedhi-si baat hai, ek makhi
aapki whisky ki botal par baithi thi,
baaki do aaine ke saamne mandra rahi thi|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Seeta- “Behan, aajkal to mujhe saari raat jaagna
padta hai, kyuki mere pati beemaar hai|”
Geeta- “To koi nurse kyu nahi rakh leti?”
Seeta- “Nurse rakhi hai isliye to jaagti hu|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Yuvak- “Kya aap mere saath dance karengi?”
Yuvti- “Mujhe khed hai, mai bache ke saath dance
nahi kar sakti|”
Yuvak- “Oh! maaf kare, mujhe aapki haalat ka
pata nahi tha|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Pappu- “Papa, raat ko maine ek sapna dekha,
aapne mujhe das rupaye diye hai|”
Papa- “Chal aath aana jebkharch kaatkar saadhe
nau rupaye vaapas kar|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Patni ka honth upar se thoda kat gaya| Doctor
ne dawai lagaakar taanke laga diye| Pati chupchap
dekhta raha| Phir usne Doctor ke kaan me kaha-
“Doctor saahab, dono hontho ko taanke lagaakar
seene ki aap kitni fees lenge?”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Shyaam- “Pitaji, swatantrata divas kab aata hai?”
Pita- “Jab tumhari mummy ghar me nahi hoti|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Raat ke baarah baj chuke the| Bacha abhi tak
soya nahi tha|
Bacha- “Mummy, mujhe kahani sunao|”
Mummy- “Thodi der aur thehar beta| Abhi tere
papa aayenge aur hum dono ko ek kahani sunayenge|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Santa- “Papa! Shaadi me kul milakar kitna
kharch hota hai?”
Pita- “Pata nahi beta, mai abhi tak chuka
raha hu|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Mehmaan- “Tum to kehte the ki tumhare yaha
machar pareshaan nahi karte| Lekin tumhara
ghar to macharo se bhara pada hai|”
Mejbaan- “Haan! Lekin ve hame pareshaan nahi
karte| Hum unke aadi ho chuke hai|”